What you NEED to know about Alimony…

What You Need to Know About Alimony

Let’s talk about a word that often sparks confusion, frustration, or even fear during divorce: alimony (also known as spousal support or maintenance).

Whether you’re worried about paying it or wondering if you’ll receive it, alimony is one of the most misunderstood parts of the divorce process. As a divorce mediator and coach, I’ve helped many clients navigate these conversations with more clarity—and a lot less stress.

Here’s what you really need to know:

1.      Alimony Is NOT One-Size-Fits-All

There’s no standard formula for alimony across all states. The courts (or mediators) consider several factors, including:

Length of the marriage

Each person’s income and earning capacity

Age and health of both parties

Contributions to the marriage (including staying home to raise kids)

The lifestyle established during the marriage

Bottom line: It’s about fairness, not punishment.

2.      It Can Be Temporary or Long-Term

There are different types of alimony:

Temporary (paid during the divorce process)

Rehabilitative (to help one spouse become financially independent)

Permanent (rare, and usually only after long marriages)

Lump sum or non-modifiable agreements (depending on state laws)

A well-crafted agreement should reflect the needs and circumstances of both parties—not outdated assumptions.

3.       It’s Separate From Child Support

People often confuse the two, but they’re entirely different. Child support is for the children’s needs. Alimony is support for a spouse. The two are calculated and negotiated separately.

4.        Alimony Isn’t Always Guaranteed

Just because one spouse earns more doesn’t automatically mean alimony will be awarded. Courts and mediators look at the full financial picture, including assets, debts, and the ability to be self-supporting over time.

5.       Mediation Can Help You Decide, Not Just the Courts

One of the benefits of divorce mediation is that you and your spouse can work together to create a spousal support plan that makes sense for your situation—rather than letting a judge decide. You have more control, more flexibility, and often, better outcomes.

Final Thought:

Alimony can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s a tool meant to support financial stability during and after a major life transition—not a weapon, not a win or a loss. With the right guidance and mindset, it can be navigated fairly and with dignity.

— Paige Harley MA, Divorce Mediator & Coach