Alimony Myth Busting

When it comes to alimony, there’s a lot of misinformation out there. Maybe you’ve heard horror stories from friends, read outdated advice online, or just assumed you’d either get a huge check—or be stuck paying one forever.

Let’s clear the air.

As a divorce mediator and coach, I’ve seen firsthand how these myths create unnecessary fear, conflict, and confusion. So let’s bust the top five alimony myths and replace them with facts you can trust:

Myth #1: Alimony Is Automatic If One Spouse Earns More

Truth:

Alimony isn’t guaranteed just because incomes are unequal. Courts (and mediators) look at multiple factors: the length of the marriage, earning potential, contributions to the household, health, and more. It’s about what makes sense for your circumstances—not a default paycheck.

Myth #2: Once Alimony Is Set, It Can Never Change

Truth:

In most cases, alimony can be modified if there’s a significant change in circumstances (like a job loss, major health issue, or retirement). Some agreements are non-modifiable by choice, but most have flexibility built in. Note: it is costly to change and not a guarantee!

Myth #3: Only Women Get Alimony

Truth:

That’s outdated thinking. Alimony is gender-neutral. It’s based on need and financial dynamics, not traditional roles. More and more men are receiving spousal support, especially if they’ve been stay-at-home dads or primary caregivers.

Myth #4: Alimony Lasts Forever

Truth:

Permanent alimony is rare these days. Most support is temporary—designed to help one spouse get back on their feet. Courts encourage both parties to work toward financial independence whenever possible.

Myth #5: You Have to Go to Court to Set Alimony

Truth:

Nope! Many couples resolve alimony through mediation, where they negotiate terms that work for both sides without a judge dictating the outcome. It’s often faster, less expensive, and more flexible.

The Bottom Line:

Alimony doesn’t have to be scary, mysterious, or dramatic. When you understand how it really works, you can make informed, empowered decisions that support your future.

Still have questions about alimony or whether it applies in your case? That’s exactly what we  are here for. Consider joining our Do’s and Don’ts membership!

— Paige Harley MA,  Divorce Mediator & Coach