The Do’s and Don’ts of Divorce

The Do’s and Don’ts of Divorce: Top 5 Things to DO (and NOT do)

Divorce is a major life transition—emotionally, financially, and logistically. No matter how amicable (or not) things are, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and make decisions from a place of fear, anger, or confusion.

As a divorce mediator and coach, I help clients navigate this process with clarity and intention. Here are five essential do’s and don’ts to keep in mind if you're going through, or preparing for, a divorce:

1. DO: Focus on the Big Picture

It's tempting to want to “win” every detail, but think long-term. Will this decision matter in five years? Aim for outcomes that protect your peace, not just your pride.

DON’T: Get caught up in petty battles over material things. It’s not worth draining your energy (or wallet) fighting over the couch.

2. DO: Communicate Clearly and Respectfully

If possible, keep the lines of communication open and business-like—especially if kids are involved. Clear, respectful communication can save you time, money, and emotional stress.

DON’T: Use texts or emails to vent, shame, or relive old arguments. Those messages can escalate conflict—and can be used in court.

3. DO: Prioritize Your Mental Health

Divorce can shake your identity and sense of security. Therapy, coaching, mindfulness practices, or simply creating space for rest can make a huge difference.

DON’T: Ignore your emotional needs. “Just getting through it” without support can leave lasting scars. You don’t have to do this alone.

4. DO: Get Educated on Your Rights and Options

Understanding your legal and financial rights puts you in a position of strength. Whether it’s mediation, collaborative divorce, or legal counsel—know your path.

DON’T: Make assumptions based on someone else’s divorce. Every situation is unique, and what worked for a friend may not work for you.

5. DO: Put the Children First

If you have children, co-parenting peacefully should be a top priority. Speak positively about the other parent when possible, and create a safe space for your kids to process.

DON’T: Use your children as messengers or emotional support. They’re not responsible for adult issues—and they feel it more deeply than we often realize.

Divorce isn’t just an ending—it’s the beginning of a new chapter. These do’s and don’ts can help you move through the process with integrity, strength, and compassion—for yourself and everyone involved.

— Paige Harley MA, Divorce Mediator & Coach